Post marking this thread for edit with more details later, after I’ve had a nap.

Maybe work on that inflated ego first.

You could learn to accept it for what it is, as it’s not yours to spend energy on it.

People are flawed, you are people too. Equally flawed, just differently.

I realized the hard truth is you don’t get mad at shit you don’t care about. And suddenly a lot of shit I got mad at felt really fucking stupid.

I also learned to take a deep breath before I act in anger, and it often calms me down enough to find a better solution.

I am not a better human being, but I’m combating my irritability one cause at a time. Firstly, treating physical conditions that cause irritability (as much as money has let me): hormonal issues, sleeping issues, etc. Secondly, addressing psychological and psychiatric problems (I had to learn a lot of these topics because I wasn’t able to afford specialists all the time and it was an interest of mine anyway). Finally, fixing external or environmental causes, e.g. working on changing toxic relationships.

It is still a work in progress, but my life is getting calmer and calmer as I am ticking the boxes in that list. At some point, you get to a place where you can search for your own answers, existentially speaking, and that also helps. Here I mean exploring philosophy and your own ideas; your feelings, your passions, etc.

Be patient. Be compassionate with yourself (and others).

Honestly, watching and thinking about the Pixar movie Inside Out helped me understand my anger a lot better. In the movie, Anger is kind of a joke character. But there’s a line when he’s introduced where Joy says “Anger wants things to be fair.”

I think a lot about how when I’m angry, most of the time there’s some imbalance that I want balanced, and I’m looking to inflict pain, either physical or emotional, in order to balance it out. The vast majority of times, that’s not actually a winning strategy, either in terms of long or short term goals.

It doesn’t always work, but trying to think in terms of what I actually want, why I want it, and what impulses and aims are leading to my feelings, has been a lot of help to not feeling so much like I’m being helplessly driven by my anger.

Sometimes it helps to feel bad for someone instead of being angry at them. I think of Gandalf’s quote from LOTR:

“Frodo: ‘It’s a pity Bilbo didn’t kill Gollum when he had the chance.’
Gandalf: 'Pity? It’s pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment.”

Drop caffeine. Seriously, that took me from reacting like the hulk to just getting flushed in the face (in most cases…I still flew off the handle sometimes, but like less than 20% compared to before). Next step that helped then was getting a non stimulant medication for ADHD, but that may not be needed for you.

Stopped being poor. My family instilling a poverty mindset meant stuff breaking led to many negative emotions. If you stop caring about how much that can ruin your financial situation, that’s a massive reduction in stress and anger.

I started therapy and my therapist helped me see that my fucked-up childhood left me with lots of triggers, which we examined. Understanding those triggers reduced their power. I also now understand I can leave stressful situations before I blow up. I don’t have to constantly mask.

So, therapy. It’s awesome. If your first therapist isn’t a good fit it’s ok to find another one.

Care less

Notice when your teeth are clenching and muscles tensing, then consciously relax all your muscles.

It doesn’t help with the cause of the anger, but it really reduces the need to retaliate.

Stoicism helped me. The dichotomy of control.

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you’ll find strength.” -Marcus Aurelius

Basically everyone is responsible over their own thoughts and actions.

When I get angry at someone online, I mute or block them

When I get angry at someone IRL, I walk away and put physical distance between us.

If it happens often and I cannot put distance between myself and the other person, then I take a few days to think about what made me angry and I draft a letter explaining my feelings and what are my needs to prevent it from occurring again. If it keeps happening, then I make changes to my life so I dont have to see them.

Honestly? The serenity prayer.

Give me the strength to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Yes it’s pithy, and I’m pretty sure there’s nobody, other than me, granting me strength. I use it more like an affirmation and a test. Can I control this? No? Then I let it go. If it’s something I can change, I ask myself what’s the most humane way of doing so? For example yelling at people and insulting them isn’t very humane and isn’t likely to result in change.

Another thing I actively try to remember is that people are not puppets. They have their own mind and their own agency. If they refuse to change then the problem gets let go. Life is too short to let other people’s behavior bother you unless it’s putting you at risk of being physically hurt. If none of this helps then removing yourself from the situation or breathing exercises might help.

I’m not some happy clam either, I struggle with this stuff everyday. Anyone who looks at my posting history can see me struggle with it. But this is the approach I’ve had the most success with.

On the off chance that you actually have a problem with audio processing, (loud or unexpected noises/talking triggering anger etc), you might try noise cancelling headphones.