Back in the medieval ages when a woman was married to a man, they were basically considered property for my understanding and treated like an extension of the man’s person and family. So it was customary for women to take the man’s last name since they were being joined to his family. But now here in the 21st century women are fully independent and last names don’t really seem to mean much of anything. I mean what is Smith or McGregor or any last name really mean anymore? Especially in the digital age, lots of people have digital usernames like SarahSmith1727373. So the last name clearly doesn’t mean much anymore… Which leads me to wonder, why do the majority of women still take the man’s last name? Especially when some of them have a horrible last name? I have seen some butt ass ugly last names recently, like Fink, Weimer, Slotsky/Slotsky, Hiscock (no joke this is a last name), Hardman… And then you hear the woman’s name and it’s like something way more reasonable and less stupid sounding like Kingman, or Harrison, Walls, etc.

  • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    27 minutes ago

    I took my partner’s last name because I like their family more than mine, and I liked the idea of no longer being associated with my family.

    But I think most people just want to do what is normal or expected of them, so I would imagine that is why most women change their name. Not doing so would go against the grain, putting them in awkward situations where they have to explain they didn’t take the last name.

    • nocturne@sopuli.xyz
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      53 minutes ago

      My mother kept her last name. There was never an issue at school etc. I run into more issue now, everyone thinks my uncle (mom’s brother) is my dad because of the last names.

  • Modva@lemmy.world
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    2 hours ago

    I think each woman has her own reasons (some people actually like traditions) but I have the impression that, globally, women are not the same as what we see online. I think today the taking of a surname does not indicate ownership or property, at least to most modern women (and men).

    I don’t think any woman thinks like that anymore, or perhaps not many, so the motivations would then also be obviously different.

  • ArtieShaw@fedia.io
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    24 minutes ago

    I went from a “normal” western last name that was ethnically coded (like McCoy) to another ethnically coded name (like Nguyen, or - um - Fink).

    My options were to keep a common and dull name that I share with people I don’t like, get a new one (that I’d need to spell to every customer service representative ever), hyphenate (HELL NO), or make up something new (which would involve a shitstorm among relatives on both sides.)

    The only real options were A and B. I was undecided until we were leaving the county courthouse after we were married. He asked me “are you going to change your name?” He didn’t care. He thought it was a weird custom and was curious. And I realized - this is an opportunity. It’s a relatively easy and socially acceptable way to shed your old name.

    I took it.

    The new name honestly messes with quite a few people who are meeting me for the first time, and it’s interesting to see how they react. I’ve had people ask straightforward questions (I prefer that - there’s an easy and straightforward answer), get half-way through a straight-up racist comment before they stutter to a stop (helps me get to know them), get all the way through a racist comment (again - helpful to know where you stand), or just not comment at all (just fine by me).

    I’ve found that it’s not the worst way to get a read on someone.

    tldr: part spite, part novelty, part legitimately helpful when your profession means you need to meet strangers and get a quick read on their personality/potential biases/willingness to be straightforward when there’s no reason to be weird about it

  • HubertManne@moist.catsweat.com
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    1 hour ago

    My wife didn’t and years down the line she says she wish she had. We have to go through more with medical things and such to show we are related and it was like a simple checkbox for her to do it when we got married but to do it now is a major pain in the ass.

  • cybermass@lemmy.ca
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    3 hours ago

    I’m actually gonna be taking my girlfriend’s last name. Mine sounds hella stupid and is also slang for an unflattering body part, I got bullied a lot for it growing up so I will spare my children and take her last name cause it sounds super fancy and cool.

  • Apepollo11@lemmy.world
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    4 hours ago

    I think the only correct answer will be “there are lots of different reasons”.

    My wife took my last name, even though it’s not a good one and I suggested that we pick a new one.

    Here are a couple of her reasons:

    1. She wanted us to have the same surname.

    2. She was very close friends with my cousins growing up, so the name didn’t seem weird to her.

    3. Tradition - she’d always assumed she would change her name to her husband’s name, so that seemed the most normal thing to do.

  • Swordgeek@lemmy.ca
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    4 hours ago

    Two short answers: Tradition and simplicity.

    If you have different names, which one do the kids get? Also, it’s sometimes challenging to fill in school forms when your kid has a different last name than you.

    • kryptonidas@lemmings.world
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      3 hours ago

      Both, that’s what me and my wife did. It was recently allowed here, but it has been common in Spanish speaking countries for example.

      • apfelwoiSchoppen@lemmy.world
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        2 hours ago

        Exactly, this is a strange concept to get hung up on. In China and North and South Korea, a woman in a stereotypical heterosexual marriage keeps her name and the children get the father’s name. There are numerous traditions globally.

    • Voyajer@lemmy.world
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      2 hours ago

      My mother took my father’s surname and kept her maiden name as a second middle name, then they named their children the same way. That ended up being the smoothest way to handle it for official documents.

  • phdepressed@sh.itjust.works
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    1 hour ago

    Having the same last name is just an easy way to show togetherness and unity. My wife kept her last name because she earned her MD with it but she’s fine going by Mrs. (my last name) in a parental setting.

  • apfelwoiSchoppen@lemmy.world
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    2 hours ago

    This conversation is so white and western culture centric. Many cultures have different norms. Centering on this as the normal/accepted route is strange given how international our societies have become.

    • ArtieShaw@fedia.io
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      21 minutes ago

      My friends in Italy have told me that it’s not normal to change your surname after marriage. They could be messing with me, though. They’re mildly evil.

  • RBWells@lemmy.world
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    3 hours ago

    Well, my last name isn’t my mom’s last name, it’s my dad’s, and her last name was her dad’s, then her husband’s. So why do I care, I don’t get a matrilineal name anyway.

    I hyphenated, because we both had kids when we got married, and it made it easier to deal with the school stuff for my stepkids.

    Otherwise, I really just don’t care because my family name is my dad’s name and it was only my mom’s name because she changed hers to his. Not that I didn’t care about my dad, was closer to him than my mom. I just mean I don’t feel like it means anything.

    ETA: as the OP says, though - I really, truly don’t understand it when a lady has a cool last name and the man an awful one and they still use his. I used to work at a payroll place and saw this happen over and over, someone would be calling up for us to change their last name from, say, Valiant or DeLeon to Assing, or Fuckler or something . Really, why wouldn’t he be the one happy to change in that scenario?

  • nocturne@sopuli.xyz
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    1 hour ago

    My wife took my last name because she had her father’s last name. He abandoned her shortly after birth and never attempted to get in touch with her. He quit jobs to avoid paying support. She did it to remove that last vestige of him from her life. Had she had her mother’s last name we would have hyphenated our names together.

  • ValiantDust@feddit.org
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    3 hours ago

    To all the people here arguing that it’s easier to have a family name, especially with children: It’s also possible that the husband takes the wife’s name. But from anecdotal evidence in my acquaintance, most men are very opposed to this idea. So if the woman wants a family name she has to change her name or have endless fights about it. That’s why most women I know did it.

    • snooggums@lemmy.world
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      3 hours ago

      Having one name is easier for social reasons. Going with the man’s name is easier for social reasons.

      It all comes down to social pressure to keep the status quo. I even offered to take my wife’s last name and she declined and took mine instead.

      • AA5B@lemmy.world
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        1 hour ago

        We had a brief talk where I said I like my name and wouldn’t change it. I also said that while I prefer the tradition of her changing hers, that I understood it’s not really my choice. She did anyway

      • nfh@lemmy.world
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        3 hours ago

        Having one name (at least in common, using hyphenation) is easier for legal reasons too. If you have kids, and one parent doesn’t share a last name with them, you’ll have headaches at school, maybe crossing a border, unless you brought some extra legal documents with, etc.

        • snooggums@lemmy.world
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          2 hours ago

          You can choose another last name when you get married in the US too, but people just don’t choose to for the most part. The marriage license name change is a shortcut to a regular name change that can be made through the courts.