Dissociation as a side effect of a medication I was on.
It is really hard to describe. It was as if I was a passenger within my own body and mind. I was watching myself do and say things with no feeling of presence or control.
That’s like depersonalization or derealization. For me, it was terrifying. I could hug my best friend but still feel like he was across the room/house. I have never felt more alone in my entire life than when going through those episodes. It was during these times that suicide seemed like a solid way out. I held through and over a few months it faded away.
Edit: I didn’t realize that both of the two ARE disassociation. Huh, I have disassociated before and never made the connection (no pun intended).
Dissociation as a side effect of a medication I was on.
It is really hard to describe. It was as if I was a passenger within my own body and mind. I was watching myself do and say things with no feeling of presence or control.
That’s like depersonalization or derealization. For me, it was terrifying. I could hug my best friend but still feel like he was across the room/house. I have never felt more alone in my entire life than when going through those episodes. It was during these times that suicide seemed like a solid way out. I held through and over a few months it faded away.
Edit: I didn’t realize that both of the two ARE disassociation. Huh, I have disassociated before and never made the connection (no pun intended).
Did this make you question the concept of free will at the time or in general?
Not really. Just that consciousness is an incredibly complex thing that we don’t really understand.
K-hole from too much ketamine will definitely do this.
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That’s what lots of weed does to me.
I’d really like to experience this at some point because I can’t imagine what it’s like at all.