Yo dawg, we heard you like engine braking so we gave you engine breaking in your engine braking!

You may attract python too!

It’s just recliner theater, I tell ya!

Please run for congress. Now.

Saw a kid puke in the pool once on a Disney cruise. You shoulda seen those cast members come running in full hazmat suits and shut down the entire deck! A finely tuned machine, like swappin tires at the Indy 500. If Disney ever got into the military-industrial complex they would take over the world. Worth every penny.

There is nothing on that seasonal display barge worth 150 dollary-doos. Or is there? What year is it and what’s the inflation rate?

I’m also mildly concerned about the handcuffs in the top-shelf plastic bin.

If that was the one with the built-in sharpener, that kid was ballin’

Why would one ever need to sharpen crayons? Why you ask? Because reasons!

Put a glide in your stride, and a dip in yo hip, and come on to the mothership

For me it was the guy in slide one with the lil’ sebastian pony tail. Brick man is just the washed up kool-aid man after the royalties ran out and the brain damage kicked it from repeated head trauma (plus diabeetus). Ohh nooo!

That hideous alien creature on the wing during a storm? Me. That’s me. I saved 19 bucks on my ticket and got TWO bags of peanuts on standby! The peanuts blew away one by one somewhere over Iowa but I had beef jerky backup, as all responsible travelers do.

That guy stuffed into a 1970’s Samsonite in the unpressurized baggage hold? Also me.

One time I mailed myself through USPS. If it fits it ships flat rate!! It hurt when I got drop-kicked onto a porch though. More emotionally than anything else.

Maybe I’m just physically intimidating, or a braggart, but I always get the full can of soda

The legroom may force me to drink it with my knees above my head, but still, chalk up a win for the common man

If you roll an average of 2.37 Cavendish bananas length of duct tape between your index and middle finger, you can make a sticky booger ball that tastes like an olive (or maybe boogers, depending on your pH and relative gastrointestinal ‘transit time’). As a limited time offer it also removes warts!

"Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

I much prefer Dunning-Notice-Krueger. I get a credit collections notice delivered by a guy with a metal-clawed glove. Now with Fedora!

The figure is somewhere above 0%, but certainly not zero. For example, haven’t you seen the crap blaster 9000 infomercial at 2AM on a Tuesday? You connect that bad boy to a fire hydrant (vendor liability disclaimed), pull the turbo-diesel engine rip cord, and wear a full body bio-hazard suit with air supply (suggested). Not for use with some sets. Batteries not included.

Ahh, sweet memories; sometimes they overflow.

You should hear the cries of the memories, right before they are garbage collected. “Wait, I need that!”

“Bring in the logic probe!”

They are referring to the meme about old German toilets having an ‘inspection shelf’ (Flachspüler)

Well I’m not this guy so I think I’ll be just fine

↑ supply or ↓ demand. As much as it frustrates politicians, these are the only true levers.

Of course, economists have successfully predicted 5 out of the last 3 recessions so who knows. Why don’t you go ask Chat GPT.

That Vowels table though…