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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 6th, 2023

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  • I once called a guy about something he was advertising in the classifieds. I called him on Easter Sunday. He answered, but said he needed a second before he could talk.

    Turns out he was Amish. I called an Amish man on the phone… on Easter Sunday. He answered… while he was in church.

    I called an Amish man on his cellphone, which he answered in the middle of Easter mass, to talk about his classified ad.

    This was the most tame interaction I’ve had with Amish folk. They’re fucking hardcore.

    You know that scene in Parks and Rec where Ron Swanson tips a jug of moonshine up onto his shoulder and pours it down his gullet? I’ve fucking seen a bearded guy with a big hat and no buttons do that IRL.

    The Amish know how to party.









  • My first and middle name are the first and last name of a very famous comedian/actor/writer. I was born in 79 during the height of his wild crazyness but my dad swears up and down that it had nothing to do with the choice of names. I’m just very happy this particular comedian is still a beloved and respected figure with no major scandals or skeletons.






  • It would only be ironic if god and heaven were real. Otherwise those duplicitous fucks go to their graves never knowing true retribution. My only hope is that they die with the uncertainty of not knowing, and their last few moments of lucidity are spent in internal existential angst.