They were found in gutters, on streets, in bushes. They were boarded on trains, deserted in hospitals, dumped at temples. They were sent away for being sick or outliving paychecks or simply growing too old.
By the time they reached this home for the aged and unwanted, many were too numb to speak. Some took months to mouth the truth of how they came to spend their final days in exile.
“They said, ‘Taking care of him is not our cup of tea,’” says Amirchand Sharma, 65, a retired policeman whose sons left him to die near the river after he was badly hurt in an accident. “They said, ‘Throw him away.’”
In its traditions, in its religious tenets and in its laws, India has long cemented the belief that it is a child’s duty to care for his aging parents. But in a land known for revering its elderly, a secret shame has emerged: A burgeoning population of older people abandoned by their own families.
This is a country where grandparents routinely share a roof with children and grandchildren, and where the expectation that the young care for the old is so ingrained in the national ethos that nursing homes are a relative rarity and hiring caregivers is often seen as taboo. But expanding lifespans have brought ballooning caregiving pressure, a wave of urbanization has driven many young far from their home villages and a creeping Western influence has begun eroding the tradition of multigenerational living.
Courtrooms swell with thousands of cases of parents seeking help from their children. Footpaths and alleys are crowded with older people who now call them home. And a cottage industry of nonprofits for the abandoned has sprouted, operating a constantly growing number of shelters that continually fill.
Makes one wonder just how shitty were these elders to their children and grandchildren?
Yeah the things that the elders say sound like typical narcissist parent quotes. "[My kids abandoned me because] they said ‘Taking care of him is not our cup of tea.” That’s sounds extremely unlikely. I would guess you didn’t want to hear the very justified exact reasons why they didn’t want you in their life anymore.
If my mother wasn’t a terrible person, a liar, and a manipulator, I wouldn’t have abandoned her when she finally broke the camels back.
Yep, check out The Missing Missing Reasons
"[My kids abandoned me because] they said ‘Taking care of him is not our cup of tea.” That’s sounds extremely unlikely
My thoughts too. The person you’re quoting is apparently just 65, too, and a retired police officer. Obviously I’m just talking out of my ass here, but that sounds way too young to at the point of requiring full-time caregiving. I’m thinking there’s something more at play beyond what he’s letting on, but I could obviously be wrong
It also says he was in an accident. So he may not be physically capable.
Ah yeah I guess if I had the reading comprehension of an adult man and not a fucking chickadee I’d have seen that in the next sentence.
Idk that you have the right to throw stones dude, you haven’t figured out you can make a username without your birth year in it.
Seems like you have the reading comprehension of a chickadee as well.
Reddit(dot)com(forwardslash)r(forwardslash)wooosh
Do you think those people aren’t real?
Whose responsibility was it to help that be their cup of tea?
I haven’t spoken to my parents in over a decade. They are really shitty people.
I have entertained myself reviewed nursing homes looking for the one with the absolute worst reviews for them to finish their lives at.
This. If my parents hadn’t been gracious enough to die painfully from cancer, this would have been the next option.
Not all elders deserve support, respect or compassion.
“Then we’ll put you in the crooked home we saw on 60 Minutes!”
Yeah, any guesses on the shitty kids:shitty parents:shitty both ratio?
Partly this and it’s the Western way. Leave your elders in a home, except [in India] they can’t afford a home so they go to the streets.
No one would leave their parents on the streets if they had a good relationship with them. At the very least they would let them live in their homes.
What about the children who can only afford a bedroom. Tough luck I guess.
No matter how small a place is I imagine you would always figure out some space for your parents instead of sending them to the streets.
You might not be able to provide adequate help they need, but I think if you love your parents you wouldn’t let them stay on the street.
Literally for most of history the peasant home was one room. Grandparents, parents and their 5 surviving children were all crammed in there at night. Privacy was not a thing. What I mean is, there’s a long way to fall before true necessity comes into the picture, and as things get worse families tend to stick together more.
Presuming the children have the means to support their parents and their immediate family.
If not, a tough decision must be made.
I didn’t say you would be able to provide the care they need, but if you love them, you would always find some space in your home so they are not on the street.
You have a whole lot of faith in people.
Yeah, I’m going to echo the other poster. Our cultural maladaptations might be a good excuse, but you have to know what’s actually going to happen to mom on some level.
Fun fact, it’s becoming more common to live with extended family in the West, mostly just because life is getting too expensive otherwise.
In the west we emphasize the unnatural independence of our babies (e.g. cry it out) leading to adults who have unnatural detachments to their parents, leaving them in homes. That’s only part of it though. Also children who are growing up to realize that they are not obliged to keeping their abusive parents in their lives.
Now that’s too far in the opposite direction. Cultures are kind of random; presumably lots of other cultures have attitudes towards infant care that are similar, or even less “attentive”. I forget which Native culture around here had the trick where you mess with your baby’s nose so they stop crying altogether.
I suspect it’s less child psychology and more recent history. Traditionally, extended families often lived together in the West too. It just went away during the 20th century due to a confluence of ideological emphasis on the nuclear family and enough money sloshing around the common classes for people to actually implement that.
If what you’re saying is that it stems from capitalism, then yes. I agree that’s the root cause and the rest are symptoms.
You don’t live in the west, do you?
Edited my original comment. Does your comment still stand?
The biggest reason for putting parents in an elderly home here in the West is because these elders require constant medical care that their kids can’t provide.
“That their kids can’t provide” needs to be explained. Often it means they don’t have time or desire to.
From the post, “They were sent away for being sick, Or outliving paychecks, or simply growing too old.”
Same situation in US, except we have social security. Old people get sent to homes for being sick or too old all the time.
No it doesn’t really. Their kids cannot provide it. That’s that?
They could provide it, but they don’t want to sacrifice their personal time.
People suffering from dementia require around the clock specialized care. That’s something a person that isn’t educated in that field can’t give. And since dementia is on the rise it’s the number one reason why old people are put into a care home. At least in my country. In my country the stereo typical retirement home doesn’t exist anymore. Most old people stay in their own home and they get help at home by a professional and family members. They won’t be send into a home unless they require around the clock care.
Retirement homes ≠ being discarded on the streets though, does it?
You can’t blame teh west for every failing of eastern culture. Apples to figs.
Cultural similarities do not include financial aspects. They could have adopted the cultural aspect but do not have the same financial benefits, so they’re on the streets. Why is this being debated? People offended cuz they put their parents in homes?
Ah okay, so it’s the same until you look at the details at which point it becomes extremely differentiated.
Lmao.
No it is the same in many ways. If they’re sick or too old they go to a home except in India they can’t afford a home so they go to the streets. Same happens here but less so.
I’m never gonna own a home, I can’t afford to care for my parents. A nursing home is absolutely out of the question if I’m the one on the hook. It’s hard to imagine it being easier in India with the work conditions and wages there.
I’ve just accepted that I’m gonna rack up credit I never intend to pay and die. And I live in a country that isn’t gonna throw that debt on my kids
I’m making sure I have great credit for as long as I can so when im 60-70 I can just get a huge line of credit and go nuts. I don’t plan on having any kids to worry about my belongings/debt/estate etc.
Not sure any lender would give that line of credit to you based on your age alone.
What if you get it earlier but don’t use it?
That’s the plan, currently half way to 60 and have a $20,000 line of credit so hoping I can get it up quite a bit before 60 😂
They don’t give it to you at 0% apr. Most credit cards have insane rates above 20%. They can and will come after just about everything you own.
They charge you money if your balance is 0? Well not here
Oh you meant credit line, not credit? They will quickly shrink that if not used. All the credit cards I haven’t used for a while reduced their credit lines wiltin a few years. Some by as much as 10x.
Begin voting for caring governments, who will first consolidate and bargain for elderly care expenses, and then take on the job of elder care itself. It’s been shown that removing the mercenary aspect and keeping the service level objectives and performance an openly-discussed metric will result in improved care, longer life and reduced expenses.
It also makes rich assholes pay more for everyone’s care, which is kinda neat for me despite maybe being in the top 20%.
Americans
Hey, don’t be shitty parents and we won’t abandon you 🤷♂️
Be incentivized to be a non-shit parent.
Contrarian bullshit?
OR do you have an actual point?
What I can parse out is “if my kid wanted to have a stable home life, they should cry less”.
That would require me to be ashamed of my choice lol.
This is actually the normal around the globe. We are kind of told that we look after the frail and disabled and our family but as countless disabled people have been explaining for centuries now this just isn’t the case, its one of the biggest lies ever told about human behaviour. Its shocking that governments are still shocked by this behaviour but it goes to show how deep the propaganda has got into people.
Human beings do not look after the chronically unwell, whether it be from age or otherwise. Almost all close family abandon them, it is abnormal for anyone from someones friends of families to even see them again after about 2 to 3 years. This is the true reality of human behaviour and the disabled have been trying to get this message across for decades and no one is listening.
We are kind of told that we look after the frail and disabled and our family but as countless disabled people have been explaining for centuries now this just isn’t the case, its one of the biggest lies ever told about human behaviour.
Had no idea about this kind of history. Are there books about this you can recommend. I would like to know more.
1st gen US of a north-south love marriage.
Remember why immigrants come to the US: The same hustle yields greater success due to lessened competition for greater resources. It’s worse wherever they came from.
Remember that good and bad family is somewhat universal across cultures. People care for their elderly because they continue to contribute to the family unit in facets such as meals, cleaning, childcare, wisdom. People cohabitate because there’s competitive strength in a larger family unit.
Relative the US, India has roughly three times the population and one third the geographic area. They want to care for their good parents and offer the bad ones a humane somethhing, just as everyone does. Capitalism crushes them as it does us. They just have less. They can’t afford to house and feed their parents.
Yeah no shit. That wasn’t like really obvious that that would start to happen at some point.
Capitalism does it again!
This is a pretty big deal in Indian culture. Respecting and listening to elders is actually a cornerstone, I’d say. At social events with potlucks, the young kids are always the first to eat, then the elders, then everyone else. It’s so ingrained in me that when I saw a young Indian kid mocking their grandmother I was utterly shocked.
However, this isn’t to say the children in this article are necessarily wrong to abandon their parents. It’s just some perspective on how big of a deal this is.
Although at the same time, I’ve noticed that second generation Indians (born to the parents who immigrated, like me) are taught a more traditional and conservative culture. The first generation Indians I’ve met seem a lot less traditional – hence why they’re probably more okay with abandoning their elders. It’s interesting sometimes how immigrants preserve their home culture and traditions better than their own home does. Granted, this isn’t the case with everything. There’s a lot of things where Indian kids who grew up in the West are far more liberal on.
… this is Indians in India, they’re not okay with it because they’re “first generation Indians” they’re like 10,000th generation Indians in their own country not America.
I never disagreed with that. I’m just offering my perspective as someone familiar with the cultural traditions.
I wouldn’t abandon my grandparents if something had happened and they needed a home… But I liked my grandparents. I like my parents. If your kid won’t let you live with them even if they can’t themselves take care of you, something else is going on besides selfishness.
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This is common across all cultures, the youth are always called “disrespectful” relative to the older generation.
Access to global media may have caused a more drastic change in some regions
Not just all cultures, all eras as well. From Mesopotamian stone slates over medieval hogshide, paper to the internet: boomers gonna complain
Finally not being forced to care for their abusers.
It may be a secret shame in India, but it’s a public shame in the US that the rest of the world doesn’t understand.
Associated Press - News Source Context (Click to view Full Report)
Information for Associated Press:
MBFC: Left-Center - Credibility: High - Factual Reporting: High - United States of America
Wikipedia about this sourceSearch topics on Ground.News
https://apnews.com/article/india-abandoned-elderly-population-aging-44701de4079bf8bca01cfa3217fdf1c8
I reckon the “shame” here is on the parents’ side for failing to live on their own?
When your children are tools for building family power via arranged marriages, I can see this being a thing. Down the line.
What a disgusting country
Capitalism
