To be clear, im queer and im in a relationship with a gay cis man.
Some days ago we were watching a sketch on YouTube about the gay best friend stereotype, where the joke was basically “I can be misogynistic and can walk into female dressing rooms because im gay”. I was trying to gather my thoughts to write a piece about it, personally I have no problem being the “gay friend” to my female friends, but there are a lot of stupid and harmful misconceptions about it. I would like to hear some of your opinions about it.
I think some of this is the safety aspect, like gay men can joke around with women or exist in her personal space because women won’t see that guy as a predator or think “but what if he is actually objectifying me or will turn on me in the future for not reciprocating like he wants?”
I find these sort of behaviors uncomfortable, on a personal level. Like, I don’t want to call any woman a slur, even jokingly. But different people have different thresholds.
However, as a gay trans man (and smaller than most women), I have noticed that some women are much more comfortable interacting with me than they are with other men. I’m not seen as any sort of threat or concern. I think that’s the important part, threat assessment (sounds crazy if you haven’t lived in that world, but women are constantly performing threat assessment as they go about their day - what an awful thing for half of the population to have to just live with).
The most important aspect of any relationship, and this includes friendship, is consent. Like, if a woman and a gay man have a sort of relationship where they have mutually agreed this sort of stuff is ok, more power to them. But there can’t be assumptions made on this, like a gay man can’t think “it’s fine for me to call women slurs jokingly, after all I’m gay” because not all women will be ok with that, and vice versa. Each person is an individual, there’s no group monolith that makes certain behaviors universally okay.