This isn’t about people who are trans, but there is a fascinating thing called the Fraternal Birth Order, where every male child a mother has, their likelihood of being gay goes up significantly.
Twenty years ago, Ray Blanchard and Anthony Bogaert demonstrated that the probability of a boy growing up to be gay increases for each older brother born to the same mother, the so-called fraternal birth order (FBO) effect. Their first investigation indicated that each older brother increased the probability of being gay by about 33% (1). This startling phenomenon was confirmed in multiple studies based on independent populations totaling over 10,000 subjects, and a meta-analysis indicated that between 15% and 29% of gay men owe their sexual orientation to this effect
I think it’s bett_er_ up here, though like the US it will be the cities that are best to go to. Rural areas throughout Canada are roughly as bad though, even those who work forces.
I know a lot sucks right now, but that is the sort of defeatism we can’t do. And I’m sorry because I know what it takes to push through it regardless, I really am sorry. The one bright spot here is that our numbers grow with each generation..
If this continues to the next generation, two out of every five people will identify as part of the Gay-BLT. While the conservatives will come for us – and I make no mistake, they will come for us – they’ll be facing a number far larger than they were prepared for. We will die in terrifying numbers, yet climate change is going to slowly end it, because people will be too concerned with the forest fires, choking air, floods, heat domes, crop failures, etc. Conservatives right now are like Gollum at the end when he’s tumbling into the fires below, clutching his ring. They’ve ‘won’, but they don’t understand that they’ve also killed themselves.
We will break into small communal areas, and we’ve already seen that while in no way perfect, or even entirely functional, we queers can stand together. Time and time again we help each other, guide each other, support each other. Our communities will suffer far less from the inevitable infighting because we’ve done more with less, and have both helped and needed help from our siblings.
We don’t need such a concentrated area, we’ll find each other in cities, small towns, all over the place. We do have hetero allies, there are straight people who will join us too. It sounds good at first, but we lose more than we gain by consolidating in one area and keeping to ourselves.
I have done my best, and thank you so very much, I appreciate you saying that. Two of my kids came out to me (one enby, one ace/aro) and I found out they’d only come out to each other and me, not even my partner, and I cried a bit, obviously. We don’t talk about ‘everything’, but they trust me for most things and I’m so happy.
I am sorry you did not get a better response than you did. I let my kids down a lot. For any things it looks like I did well here, I did four terribly. I’m not excusing your parents; you didn’t choose to be born, your parents had you, and thus have a responsibility. I just want you to know you had nothing to do with their inabilities, when parents like us fail in that way it creates a terrible loop for you, and I am so very sorry. A lot of people panic when they see their loved ones in that state of mind, and instead of helping, we freeze.
(I did my best to set up a system with them where my kids tell me what they’re okay with hearing about, and I never cross that line. I taught them everything I could about consent and safe sex, how to avoid STI’s, and that they can always call me for help. That was pretty much the only area I have done well.)
I wanted to end this, and I’m sorry it’s so much later, for you with something I hope can help you.
GIRL.
The ‘identity politics’ war isn’t won when Conservatives take away HRT, or gender-affirming surgeries, or voice lessons, or the ability to change the gender on your identity cards. They need you to admit defeat and agree with them. You know if you’re a woman; not me, not them, not your parents, not your friends, not random people on the internet. Gender isn’t Sex. “A woman” is not definable because there are four fucking billion women out there who are each unique and different from each other. My grandmother killed a Nazi with a butcher knife. Which part of the ‘a woman’ checklist is that?
GIRL. Do not. Let them. Break you. You know who they are, and they don’t know who you are. They’re not psychic.
I listen to this song when I feel dysphoric, please feel free to join me. I share it with anyone I think might need it. Just know that when you listen to it, I’m right there with you.
I love you, I hope you understand what I mean, and I hope you find help that you need. Look for the ‘rainbow’ patches and buttons, those people will help you.
Truth to power, workers unite, stay queer.