some people trigger me so easily it’s scary. Most of them are loud, lazy coworkers that somehow piss me off very easily.
Is this a normal reaction to morons?
it’s not like I want to punch them, I’m simply relaxed and work better when I don’t have to see them. They slow me down.
Flipped out over stupid shit. Hurt someone i loved. Decided to be better. Took 10 years beyond that, but there was progress that whole time.
Finding people annoying isn’t the problem, people will always be annoying. If you find yourself exploding over small stuff, it means your mental resources for suppressing and tolerating such things have been depleted. Changing how you think of people can help, but I would examine your lifestyle as a whole and figure out why you aren’t able to maintain said mental resources. You may not be resting enough, you may have other problems. It might be hard at first if you’ve not explored this stuff before, but it’s well worth it in the long run.
Don’t dismiss physical problems as a possibility either. Something that was surprising to me was blood pressure, apparently it was causing me to fly off the handle at times. Literally all it took was some minor weight loss and eating musli, and suddenly I’m fine again.
Not necessarily applicable to everybody, but if you find yourself with a short fuse, I highly recommend getting checked out for sleep apnea.
Imagine going to sleep for 8-10 hours a night but always feeling a bit tired and very irritable. Because in reality, you barely sleep at all. That’s what sleep apnea does, and I can personally start that, if that’s your problem, addressing it is a world changer.
Anger is our inability to understand or accept the true nature of things.
And a need or attempt to control things beyond our control.
Let go of trying to control everything and everyone. Let go of the arrogance that you know what’s best. Understand that if you can change things, anger will make the process more stressful and not help, and if you can’t change things then the anger won’t improve the situation.
Also, a lot of people come from families where the angriest person gets their way because it’s easier for everyone else to give them their way. If this is you, choose to break the cycle, and not hold your family & peers hostage to get what you want.
Yes, understanding oneself and what we really control is part of understanding nature. Understanding trauma and stress are part of understanding & accepting nature.
Maybe work on that inflated ego first.
Post marking this thread for edit with more details later, after I’ve had a nap.
You could learn to accept it for what it is, as it’s not yours to spend energy on it.
People are flawed, you are people too. Equally flawed, just differently.
I realized the hard truth is you don’t get mad at shit you don’t care about. And suddenly a lot of shit I got mad at felt really fucking stupid.
I also learned to take a deep breath before I act in anger, and it often calms me down enough to find a better solution.
I am not a better human being, but I’m combating my irritability one cause at a time. Firstly, treating physical conditions that cause irritability (as much as money has let me): hormonal issues, sleeping issues, etc. Secondly, addressing psychological and psychiatric problems (I had to learn a lot of these topics because I wasn’t able to afford specialists all the time and it was an interest of mine anyway). Finally, fixing external or environmental causes, e.g. working on changing toxic relationships.
It is still a work in progress, but my life is getting calmer and calmer as I am ticking the boxes in that list. At some point, you get to a place where you can search for your own answers, existentially speaking, and that also helps. Here I mean exploring philosophy and your own ideas; your feelings, your passions, etc.
Be patient. Be compassionate with yourself (and others).
Honestly, watching and thinking about the Pixar movie Inside Out helped me understand my anger a lot better. In the movie, Anger is kind of a joke character. But there’s a line when he’s introduced where Joy says “Anger wants things to be fair.”
I think a lot about how when I’m angry, most of the time there’s some imbalance that I want balanced, and I’m looking to inflict pain, either physical or emotional, in order to balance it out. The vast majority of times, that’s not actually a winning strategy, either in terms of long or short term goals.
It doesn’t always work, but trying to think in terms of what I actually want, why I want it, and what impulses and aims are leading to my feelings, has been a lot of help to not feeling so much like I’m being helplessly driven by my anger.
Sometimes it helps to feel bad for someone instead of being angry at them. I think of Gandalf’s quote from LOTR:
“Frodo: ‘It’s a pity Bilbo didn’t kill Gollum when he had the chance.’
Gandalf: 'Pity? It’s pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment.”Drop caffeine. Seriously, that took me from reacting like the hulk to just getting flushed in the face (in most cases…I still flew off the handle sometimes, but like less than 20% compared to before). Next step that helped then was getting a non stimulant medication for ADHD, but that may not be needed for you.
getting a non stimulant medication for ADHD
tell us more
Stratera, also known as Atomoxetine, is a norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitor. What does that mean? Ever have that clarity of mind and focus (and calm) when there is a crisis? That’s norepinephrine. It seems ADHD brains tend to absorb it quickly so while most people can stay calm and focused normally, it takes a huge crisis (and huge release of norepinephrine) for ADHDers to have that feeling. If we slow down the re-uptake then it helps us feel calm and focused.
Dosage was a bitch for a bit though: they started me on the “normal” adult dose (40mg), which left me feeling like an emotionless robot and very productive. The typical advice is to go up in dose but I asked to go down to a child’s dose (10mg) which has me feeling productive, calm, and frankly great. I’m still me now, but things that would normally set me off just don’t anymore. I can provide compassion and be the voice of reason, or be the firm without being mean.
Oh, by non stimulant you mean not dopamine reuptake inhibitors. I’m not sure but technically norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors can be called stimulant though.
Edit: I’ve never been on a NRI before, I think I should bring that up next time. I’ve not had anger issue with/without any medication either.
You may have read that backwards. I’m on Stratera and about the other ADHD medications which are all versions of stimulants.
I didn’t understand what you’re saying here, might be grammar.
I take both, Mydayis (50mg) and Strattera (10mg). Both is an instantly noticeable improvement over one or the other for me. I stopped drinking espresso/coffee also (not caffeine, just mass doses of it). I’ll never be perfect, but I don’t fly off the handle near as much as I used to.
Care less
Stopped being poor. My family instilling a poverty mindset meant stuff breaking led to many negative emotions. If you stop caring about how much that can ruin your financial situation, that’s a massive reduction in stress and anger.
This is a big one for me too. Knowing stuff will work or get replaced easily did wonders for my mental health. It is still a process to not live with the “check engine light on” mentality but rather trying to soothe oneself by breathing and knowing that, for this ocassion, it can be handled… and still filling up my car’s tank with gas in case I get lost in the City.
Stoicism helped me. The dichotomy of control.
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you’ll find strength.” -Marcus Aurelius
Basically everyone is responsible over their own thoughts and actions.
That’s not true. You sound like you’re white as fuck :| you don’t think there are things that can influence someone’s brain and body? Human, human technology, or a wide variety of non human things?
Should Google (edit: Kagi*) DMT trip reports as one example.
You sound like you’re white as fuck
What? what does this mean?
It means he’s racist, turn it around and see how you get treated by him…i bet it will become clear what he means by it.
Nah, he’s probably white himself. I’ve literally never seen anyone online hate white people more than themselves. It’s a weird phenomenon…
White people are very set in their corporate slop eating ways. They like slaving away for billionaires, some of whom buy child sex slaves with the proceeds. FYI white men are the most likely to be pedos… For some strange reason lulz
idk about you, but i’ve never seen a white dude with child sex slaves. wtf are you talking about?
And every modern country slaves away for billionaires, what country are you living in that doesn’t?
Sounds like you’ve got some figuring out to do
Nope that’s the rest of you.
Idk man, those numbers are a pretty good indication that you’re wrong. Although doubling down might work this time.
I started therapy and my therapist helped me see that my fucked-up childhood left me with lots of triggers, which we examined. Understanding those triggers reduced their power. I also now understand I can leave stressful situations before I blow up. I don’t have to constantly mask.
So, therapy. It’s awesome. If your first therapist isn’t a good fit it’s ok to find another one.
