This has been on my mind lately. My dad is going through it, his sister has got it pretty bad and I apparently have the predisposed gene to get in my future.
I’m leaning no because I wouldn’t want to make my child go through slowly watching their dad’s mind leave them and also potentially pass it on to them when they get older.
It’s thrown me for a loop since I always imagined myself having kids and I’m around that age now.
What do you think?
Edit: I just want to say that I did not expect the kind of response this post got. I’m grateful for all of your comments and the perspectives it’s allowed me to peak into.
I also should mention that were I to have children they would most certainly not be burdened by being the crutch of my own personal journey of accepting and loving who I am. That is work for me alone and I would never unload that responsibility onto those I love and especially those who I’d be raising.
As for my partner not wanting kids, I would never consider forcing or persuading them to raise a child when they know for certain it’s not in their cards. This is another element in how I’ve been navigating this question. I love her with everything I have and I can’t imagine us being apart and yet there is a pang that lingers of the father I assumed I would eventually become.
Anyway, thanks again for your thoughtful replies. They’ve helped so much especially since this is the first time I’ve voiced these thoughts.
Yeah, only recently have I been opposed to having children outside of the Alzheimer’s question. We could afford to have them, but it would truly be paycheck to paycheck which I wouldn’t be comfortable with. Plus there are plenty of humans already on this poor planet.
Also, my partner is very against having children. Which I understand, but it’s a different place to be in life when I always imagined having them. Now I’m trying to decide if I truly want to have them and the boat is sailing since I’m 36.
It’s interesting to have gone the distance without having kids. Very few of my friends who had them seemed to enjoy the experience in the moment, but those few that did really did. Also, a couple of them lost the Russian Roulette and had kids with significant issues that currently can’t be fixed; they are staring down a potential lifetime of dealing with mental health and/or addiction issues in adult children.
I’m fundamentally a risk-taker, but the returns have never seemed worth the commitment and possibility of wildly adverse outcomes, particularly living under the American social and economic models.
Yeah moving into 36 years old and I’ve never felt like I need to rush into having kids because that’s just what you do. I know I would be a good dad, but if it’s not a burning desire should it be really something to take on? I feel like that should be an innate quality when making the decision to have kids.
Hi, I am from a family with a lot of autoimmune conditions like Crohn’s, Ankylosing Spondylitis, MS, and Alzheimer’s. My father started to “lose it” in his late 50s, retiring a little early. He lived a long life until early 90s but the last ten years were hard on everyone. But my mother took care of him and we will tried to help.
I was 38 when our child was born. I was very concerned about passing on anything and he probably is going to have Crohn’s or IBD.
But here’s the thing. All of my family has done our best to live our best lives and yes it isn’t the best physical condition at times but we have loved, taken chances, l made mistakes, had laughs, etc. That’s worth it.
I’ve also known people who were ironman triathlon champs having heart attacks.
Only you can decide on kids. That’s not why I’m here. I’m here to tell you the chance that you or they might have Alzheimer’s doesn’t have to be the deciding factor.
Also, there are pilot studies in Alzheimer’s vaccines and other treatments.
One thing I don’t see mentioned here at all is the financial burden incurred by caring for a family member with serious problems like this. Obviously this is very dependent on the country in which you live but at least in the United States it is very possible to be buried in debt for caring for someone else. Personally, I will be trying to pay off medical bills from taking care of a family member in their final days probably for the rest of my life barring a miracle.
I’d rather not potentially saddle my children with the same if I can avoid it.
Good point. I’m Canadian and it didn’t really enter the picture. It would have if my father wasn’t able to stay at home. It was very difficult but wasn’t costly. Sending him to a long term care facility would have cost a small fortune.
Have you considered adoption?
If you decide to have kids and choose to have a co-parent, rather being a single parent, choose a co-parent who also wants kids. Having kids with someone who doesn’t want them is cursing the kids to be raised by someone who doesn’t want them, which can have significant emotional consequences.